


Illicit Worry

by AlexaAffect



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Everybody Loves Anakin Skywalker, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Feelings, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Friendship, Obi-Wan knows Anakin loves Padmé, Protective Obi-Wan Kenobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28134213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaAffect/pseuds/AlexaAffect
Summary: “Anakin, are you alright?” Obi-Wan’s voice interrupted Anakin’s thoughts. He paused his pacing.He stared out the large window of the Resolute, trying to make out passing star systems. Anything to get his mind off of her.“I’m fine, Master,” He mumbled, before turning back around toward the window.He really wasn’t.Ever since he had heard that Padme had gotten attacked, Anakin had been anxious to say the least. He should’ve been there, or he should at the very least be there now! These thoughts had plagued his mind since the meeting, but these weren’t worries he could share with Obi-Wan. His former mentor and friend wouldn’t understand, but would rather scold him for his attachments.Or alternatively; Padmé is attacked, Anakin struggles to keep his worry (and his marriage) a secret from Obi-Wan and Obi-Wan reveals he knows more than previously thought.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 116





	Illicit Worry

“Anakin, are you alright?” Obi-Wan’s voice interrupted Anakin’s thoughts. He paused his pacing.

He stared out the large window of the Resolute, trying to make out passing star systems. Anything to get his mind off of her. 

“I’m fine, Master,” He mumbled, before turning back around towards the window. 

He really wasn’t. 

Ever since he had heard that Padme had gotten attacked, Anakin had been anxious to say the least. He should’ve been there, or he should at the very least be there now! These thoughts had plagued his mind since the meeting, but these weren’t worries he could share with Obi-Wan. His former mentor and friend wouldn’t understand, but would rather scold him for his attachments.

“Is that why you are wandering the halls at midnight? You should be asleep,” Obi-Wan asked with a sympathizing smile. His expression showed his worry for his former apprentice. Besides, he wasn’t wrong.

“I just couldn’t sleep--it’s nothing really. You should go back to bed, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Anakin was quick to deflect. His thoughts weren’t ones he could share, it was better if Obi-Wan didn’t worry at all. He already felt bad enough for disturbing him.

“You didn’t.” 

At least Anakin didn’t have to add that to his conscience. Uneasy silence followed.

“Would you like to come in?” Obi-Wan asked, the longer they talked, the more worried Obi-Wan seemed to become. 

“It’s really not necessary.”

“That’s why I didn’t ask you whether you needed to come in but rather if you wanted to,” Obi-Wan explained further. Anakin grimaced innerly, glad he was facing away. He was being awfully insistent. 

“You are clearly troubled by something. Let me help my Padawan,” Obi-Wan continued.

“This is out of your grasp,” Anakin told him, not wanting to get into any more detail. He couldn’t explain to Obi-Wan what troubled him, it was better to keep this conversation short. “And I’m not your Padawan anymore,” Anakin added as an afterthought, hoping to push him further away. 

“You will always be my Padawan, Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied softly. “And it wouldn’t hurt to try,” Obi-Wan continued to insist. 

Anakin sighed deeply, before turning around. Obi-Wan stepped to the side, letting Anakin pass into the room. The door closed with a quiet click. 

“Tea?” Obi-Wan asked, once Anakin had settled down on the floor. He just had to get this over with quickly. He gave a small nod. 

“This was a mistake,” Anakin said quietly once Obi-Wan had given him his tea. “I shouldn’t have come in.” He got up as quickly as he had changed his mind.

“Anakin. Don’t be so quick to dismiss me,” Obi-Wan interrupted his leaving. With a sigh, Anakin sat back down. Both men took a sip of their tea as the silence engulfed them once more.

“This is about Senator Amidala isn’t it?”

“How did you know?” Anakin asked quickly, his head jerking up the second the words left Obi-Wan’s mouth. A small blush spread over his cheeks when he realized that his reaction probably gave more away than what Obi-Wan already knew.

“I’m afraid you aren’t as practiced in hiding your emotions as you think,” Obi-Wan teased gently. Anakin only nodded in response, making a mental note to work on that. 

“I felt your reaction when we heard the news,” Obi-Wan continued, explaining himself better.

“I’m sorry. I know as a Jedi I shouldn’t have attachments, but we’re just friends! And it’ll only distract me for tonight, tomorrow I’ll be back to normal!” Anakin spoke quickly, hoping to avoid a lecture. He really wasn’t in the mood tonight. He was worried about his wife and Obi-Wan scolding him for that wouldn’t help him. 

He didn’t want to feel worse than he already did. 

“It’s alright Anakin.”

Was it?

“I’m not going to lecture you.”

That was certainly new.

“You aren’t?” Anakin asked hesitantly, confused at this new side he was seeing of his mentor. 

“No, I believe you should have that one memorized by now,” Obi-Wan chuckled quietly. Anakin allowed himself to crack a small smile at that one. He couldn’t recall how often he had sat through the attachment lecture.

“I don’t think you’re better off keeping these feelings to yourself and although I don’t entirely support your bond, I’d rather you speak to me about it than suffer alone,” Obi-Wan continued with a sympathetic look. Anakin froze briefly, before recovering and taking another sip. “Their bond.” How much did Obi-Wan know? Could he sense something? Something larger than a friendship?

“Thank you.”

Maybe he could talk to Obi-Wan, as long as he didn’t talk about how close they were… Obi-Wan already told him he could speak freely and as long as his feelings were kept mostly to himself, well, he didn’t see how this could go wrong?

“I haven’t seen her in almost two months and now she’s injured and alone in some hospital. If I weren’t fighting all this time, maybe I could have protected her…” Anakin explained. He looked down at his cup of tea, finding it difficult to repress the true extent of his emotions.

“You blame yourself?” Obi-Wan asked, surprise written across his face. Anakin chuckled to himself. Obi-Wan was always so quick to get to the point. 

“I just wish I could be doing more. What’s the point of all this fighting? Of constantly being sent into a new war if I can’t even protect the people I love?” Anakin asked tiredly.

Silence followed.

It took a few seconds before he became aware of the love confession he had let slip out.

“I-I, I didn’t mean love! I meant like! As in friendship!” Anakin spoke swiftly, trying to control the damage. It was one thing for Obi-Wan to forgive his friendship, but for him to forgive his marriage, that would just be pushing his luck. 

“I know Anakin,” Obi-Wan responded, successfully cutting him off. Anakin looked at him in confusion. Knew what?

“You know?” Anakin repeated slowly, hoping to draw out a more elaborate answer.

“I know your relationship with the Senator transcends friendship. I’ve suspected it for a while now,” Obi-Wan explained gently, his expression remained neutral. 

Panic began to build up inside him. Obi-Wan had always been kind to him, but even he wouldn’t support their marriage. Everyone had their limits and Anakin was almost sure that he had just reached Obi-Wan’s. 

“You know about our marriage?” Anakin asked, before he could stop himself.

“No.”

Now he had really fucked up. He set the tea aside and buried his head in his hands with a quiet groan. Miraculously, he could not yet sense Obi-Wan’s anger. The neutrality only made it worse. 

“I knew you loved her and that she returned those affections for you. I did not know how far you had taken it,” Obi-Wan said slowly, as if he was still trying to understand what Anakin had said. His tone remained expressionless other than the very evident confusion.

Silence engulfed them once more. 

“Are you mad?” Anakin asked when he couldn’t take the quiet anymore. The lack of reaction was killing him. 

“No. As long as you prioritise your duty, then you may do as you please. I’ll turn a blind eye,” Obi-Wan spoke in a collected manner as though he was thinking hard about the words he spoke. 

Anakin could barely believe it. Obi-Wan would turn a blind-eye? He would condone their relationship?

“Why? I don’t want to say that I’m ungrateful, I am-- I really am! But all my life, you’ve been trying to enforce the code, to tell me to suppress my emotions, my attachments and now--” Anakin trailed off confused. This didn’t make sense.

“I’ve changed,” Obi-Wan interjected, when Anakin couldn’t find the words. 

“--You’ve changed,” Anakin repeated. 

What had happened that his mentor had changed his opinion? His mentor who had always lectured him, who had always been the biggest enforcer of the code? He couldn’t believe it.

“It has recently come to my attention, that I am not the rule-following Jedi that I’ve been posing as,” Obi-Wan explained further as he finished his tea. 

Anakin’s tea stood next to him, quite forgotten. 

“Master? I’m not quite sure I understand,” Anakin began slowly. This was too much to wrap his head around. 

“I too have my attachments,” Obi-Wan continued with a small smile. He got up, pouring himself more tea.

Anakin almost scoffed at that. On one hand, he was glad Obi-Wan condoned his and Padmé’s marriage. He was grateful even. On the other, he wanted to call his mentor a hypocrite. After all this time of lecturing Anakin on the importance of the code, only for him to be breaking it himself?

“You mean… The Duchess Satine? I knew there was something going o--!” Anakin spoke excitedly. It seemed the only plausible option and it would explain Obi-Wan’s strange behavior so well. If Obi-Wan knew what he felt for Padme, then perhaps that was why he indulged Anakin.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan interrupted him, he sighed deeply as he took his seat once more. He motioned for Anakin to come sit beside him.

“I did not mean her,” Obi-Wan said when Anakin took his place next to him. He took another sip of tea. 

“A secret lover then? One I do not know of?” Anakin asked curiously. If not the Duchess, then who? 

“I never would have expected something so scandalous of you!” Anakin joked, a true smile gracing his face for the first time that night. 

“Anakin, stop.” Obi-Wan interrupted him again. A disappointed look rested on his face and for a few seconds, Anakin felt guilty for how he was acting. Obi-Wan was trying to confess something to him and Anakin was making a joke out of the conversation. 

“My attachment to you is what makes me only a near perfect Jedi.”

Anakin hesitated at that. He looked at his hands, trying to hide the blush that crept over his cheeks. Obi-Wan was the closest thing he had to family. No… Obi-Wan was his family.

“You know I see you as a brother Anakin--a younger, at times annoying brother--but a brother nonetheless. All kinds of love, even those that aren’t romantic, are attachments and therefore forbidden by the code,” Obi-Wan explained, his expression finally displaying happiness.

He ignored what was said about the code. That much was obvious. But that Obi-Wan saw him as family as well, that truly touched him. 

“I never thought you would admit such a thing,” Anakin said quietly, overwhelmed by the situation. Obi-Wan’s shields were down, he could feel the love the other man had for him.

“You wondered why I did not care for your attachment to Senator Amidala, do you see now? It would be hypocritical of me to judge you for something I myself am guilty off,” Obi-Wan said with a small smile. That did explain it. 

Talking about Padme again put a damper on Anakin’s mood. He was still worried about her.

“I don’t know what to do. They say she’s still unconscious, I can’t even contact her,” Anakin explained, looking up at Obi-Wan with wide eyes. It felt good to know he could finally be honest with him. 

“They say she is making a recovery nonetheless,” Obi-Wan spoke quietly but earnestly. He seemed convinced of his statement.

Anakin only nodded in response. 

“I’m supposed to send a troop with some supplies to Coruscant tomorrow, they’ll arrive in 2 days. Will it ease your mind to know you’ll see Padme then?” Obi-Wan asked, gently setting a hand on Anakin’s shoulder. That grabbed Anakin’s attention.

“You would do that?” Anakin asked, surprised. His heart practically leaped in his chest. He could see Padme again! He could make sure she was fine!

“Yes. I do hate to see you suffer. Not to mention in your current state of mind, I doubt you’d be the greatest asset to the Republic,” Obi-Wan teased gently, his expression mimicking Anakin’s. He squeezed his shoulder.

“Thank you, Master,” Anakin responded as earnestly as he could manage in his excitement.

“Have I soothed your mind enough for you to sleep?” Obi-Wan asked him with a smile.

“Yes,” Anakin responded with a nod. Obi-Wan got up, taking the two tea cups and setting them on a small table. 

“Take my cot, I have arrangements to make for tomorrow,” Obi-Wan offered him, running a hand through his hair. Anakin smiled at him happily, lying down on the small bed. 

“Obi-Wan?” 

Obi-Wan stopped in front of the door, his hand still on the handle. 

“Yes Anakin?” 

“I just want you to know, I see you as a brother as well. A pretentious, know-it-all of a brother, but a brother nonetheless,” Anakin said teasingly, echoing Obi-Wan’s earlier statement.. It only felt right for Obi-Wan to know that Anakin thought the same of him. 

“Glad to hear it.” 

Anakin could practically hear the smile in Obi-Wan’s voice. The door closed with a quiet click and Anakin was asleep a few seconds later.


End file.
